The “If I Were a Hockey Player” Game
January 31st, 2007 by murph
Fun little game going around the hockey blogosphere this week, guess I’ll join in the fun since all the cool kids are doing it.
If I Were a Hockey Player:
Wait a minute, I AM a hockey player. Not a particularly good one, but a player none the less. Shouldn’t this game be called “If I were in the NHL”? Which reminds me, if my parents raised me in Canada and started me skating the day after I started to walk, I would be in the NHL. It’s a long road to the NHL when you first start ice skating at age 13.
Team: New York Islanders (if the Rangers drafted me, I’d have to retire before my first game)
Uniform Number: 17
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: murph
Dream Linemates: Mike Bossy on the right and Bryan Trottier in the middle (sorry to bump you out like that Gillies)
Rounding out the PP: Chris Pronger and Dion Phaneuf (my fantasy hockey blueliners)
Job: Screening the goalie, looking for rebounds, drawing cross-checking penalties
Signature Move: One-Timer
Strengths: Shooting, passing
Weaknesses: Skating, lack of speed
Injury Problems? My lower back is always sore after a game. I could definitely get used to pre-game stretching from the trainers and post-game massages from the team masseuse though.
Equipment: Bauer Supreme Custom Skates, Easton Synergy SL stick, CCM helmet and pants, Easton gloves
Nemesis: Everyone on the Rangers, Crybaby Sydney
Scandal Involvement: ZWI (Zamboni-ing While Intoxicated)
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Does it matter? They’re gonna lose anyways.
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Parade it down Hempstead Turnpike of course! Then I’d take it to the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas, fill it with Red Bull and Grey Goose Vodka and play Texas Hold ‘Em all night long.
Would the media love me or hate me? Love me. I tell it like it is, sign autographs for all the fans, and give the Islanders a hometown discount. And when Wang offers me a 15-year deal, I turn it down.
